The adventures of Kayra and Zako

[korimamodo]

This is my own story.. blah blah blah.. I only have one chapter and need improvements, don't push it, here is their profile(s)
Name: Kayra
race: mamodo
Powers: Physic kenetic abilities (Teleportation, freezing time, unbreakable forcefields, levetation, mindreading), sound attacks, and stealth at a fast rate... did I forget is awsome in every sport?
gender: female
age: 11
appearance: light navy hair, light blue eyes, blue blouse over slate blue longsleeve, slate blue miniskirt with light blue lines on the sides, and light blue boots.
description: twin sister of Zako, shy girl, athletic, plays flute, loves snowboarding, shy, 2 minutes younger than Zako, loves to draw, and has phycic abilities
spells:
Murunsica: music like aurora comes out of mouth
Mezzopurun: focuses Kara's mind to create music that throws oponent off balance
Mezzofrote: sonic scream cancels out Mamodos' attack
purun: bells appear and shield Kayra from attack while playing to Jingle Bells
frote: flute appears and destracts opponent when played
Piranisama: Hypnotizes people to the sound of Kayra's flute

Partner Name: Clara
gender: female
race: human
age: 13
appearance: light blue blouse with words: Love For Music, short ebony(or raven or black) hair, indigo jeans
description: Clara is a new girl who had just moved to town, but is hated because of her multi-talents. Her mother was murdered by Zeno and Dufort (her dad the day she was born) and stays with Kayra's sister and her partner, Elli

Name: Zako
Powers: Love, affection, bonds
Gender: Female
Partner: Elli
Book color: Rose Pink
Appearance:hot pink eyes, Dark pink short hair, white blouse with dark pink heart, dark pink miniskirt, and darkpink boots
Description: Zako's shy, but once you get to know her, you find out that she's adventurous, a little hyper, determined, and plays matchmaker once in awhile...
Zano: Pink hearted aurora come's out of Zako's mouth
Mishu Shield: heartshaped shield appears and reflects attacks back
Maru Zino: Spells change into another mamodo's spells that Zako and Elli are bonded to.
Mazin: A pink red bird in pink aurora with heart shaped wing squeezes oponent to death and it inables them to attack
Vali tera: A pink heart shaped black hole distracts the opponent with his greatest desire
Misla Tell: Zako gathers power from loved ones, making a large heart shaped attack that attacks from the ground
heres the story:

Flashback
7 year old girl: Mom! Mom!
Mom: Clara... I am sorry. It's time for me to die.. *dies in puddle of blood*
Clara: No! Mom!! *starts crying*
Clara's mom: *starts swifting away*
Clara: Mom! Come back! Come back!Please! You're the only one I have left!
faint voice of Clara's mom: It's time to let go, little one...
13 year old Clara: NO!!! *wakes up panting* it.. was another dream... *gets out of bed* yawn! stupid dream. It's been 5 years. I WILL kill whoever murdered her.
14 year old girl: *comes into room* Clara, you okay?
Clara: Yeah, Elli. Are you sure it's okay that I stay with you?
Elli: *giggles* for the last time in 5 years, Clara, yes. Now c'mon, we don't wanna be late for our first day of school here.
Clara: *smiles* yeah....
later...
Teacher: Hello class, we have two new students. Meet Elli Ninova and Clara Krana.
Clara: Hi, nice to meet you!
Elli: Hope we can be friends.
Kiyo: New students, huh?
Zatch: Yay! New friends!
Teacher: okay, now take your seats so we can have our class.
later after school
Elli: So is there nething different in this dream then the others?
Clara: Well.. now that you mention it... there was this navy book I found.It's pretty hard to explain...
Elli: *stops walking* did you say navy book?
Clara: Yeah.. why?
Elli: Well, you're not gonna believe this, but you know that was the day I found you?
Clara: Yeah, the day my mother died...
Elli: Well that same day, I found a pink----*lightening strikes her and clara.*
Clara: What the! ow, what's going on?
Zeno: Hmph, at last, some suckers to cause some chaos to...
Dufort: Seriously, this is gonna be fun. Zaker!
blue haired girl: *creates forcefield around Clara and Elli*
Clara: Huh? What's going on?
Pink haired girl: Hi, nice to meet you, my name is Zako, this is Kayra!
Kayra: Um.. hi...
Clara: Thanks for saving us.
Elli: yeah. *looks on ground and sees pink book* hey, I've seen this book before...Zano...
Clara: Hey, this is the navy book I found in my dream... murunsica...
Kayra: *shoots out musical like aurora against Zeno*
Zako: *shoots out heart like aurora against Zeno*
Zeno and dufort: *blast away*
Dufort: We're blasting off again!!!!
Zeno: You need to watch less pokemon..
Dufort: Shutup...
Clara: What just happened???
Elli: I don't know...
Zako: You know, it's a shame they don't recognize us...
Kayra: You can say that again...
Clara: wait.. Now I remember.. you were the little puppy that led me to Elli?
Elli: You were the kitty?
Kayra: Woof woof....
Zako: Meow...
Clara: Yeah.. but what's with blue guy over there?
Kayra: There's this battle to become king of a place called the mamodo world.
Zako: Every thousand years, 100 mamodo children are sent to earth and find human partners
Kayra: To read the spell books like the ones you're holding right now.
Zako: We need to burn other spell books and try to become king, it's really dangerous, but it's your decision to accept it.
Clara: Hm.. I'll accept
Elli: I will too.
Kayra: Really? Even though it's dangerous?
Clara: Yeah, you led me to Elli and without her, I'd be living on the streets
Elli: And I would still be lonely.
Kayra/Zako: *smile at eachother*
should I make more??? I am accepting mamodos blah blah blah.. you get the idea...
this is my first chapter, so I'lll make more after I get a rating

[Shade]

w00t w00t keep going !!!!
can u add my mamodo as an ally?

Mamodo: Arrow
Age (mamodo): 13
Partner: Dan (me)
Age (partner): 14
Type: Archery, survival skills, taming, nature.
Spellbook: Light brown, with white inlay.
Spells:
Arrok- Arrow shoots an arrow charged with explosive energy at enemy at super fast speeds. The arrow blows up when it hits something solid.
Camoflak- Arrow becomes camoflaged with whatever the environment is.
Daggaros- pulls one or two daggers from hidden pockets and can either throw them or use them for hand-to-hand combat.
Animaros- Arrow either calls animals to help him or transforms into an animal.
Enviraporte- Teleports him and anyone else. a few leaves or dust falling on his previous spot is the only signal that shows he has teleported. the stronger he gets he may be able to stop the after effect.
Naturashield- Wall of leaves and wood and other nature things form a sort of bubble around him.(bubble as in totally surrounded.)
Naturos- Allows Arrow to see through deception like illusions and protects him from mind control.
Arroge- He shoots a single arrow in the air and it explodes releasing thousands of arrows raining down on the enemy. some are packed with explosive energy.
Curallor- A shimmering dust falls on someone of his choice and heals minor damage.
Venin- Adds a poison to the next attack spell.
Arrornet- shoots an arrow that when it nears the opponent explodes creating a dust cloud and launching a net at the enemy while they're blinded by the dust.
Arrorgas- An arrow reinforced by mamodo magic is shot and can tear through spells and possibly a shield if the shield is weak.
Arrorike- Arrows shoot up from the ground.
Gigano Arrok- stronger, larger version of Arrok.
Supero Arrok- Arrow pulls an arrow from his quiver spinning it as he does so. When it is shot a giant cheetah surrounds it and attacks the enemy. (like Wonrei's spell)

Appearance (mamodo): Tall mamodo with green hair down to just below the ears. His skin is tan (like he just got back from the beach), he always carries a quiver and bow on his back, the quiver is always full of arrows. He wears a leaf green color shirt a slightly lighter color then his hair, tree brown shorts, and brown hiking boots.

[korimamodo]

I will, I'm gonna tomorrow.

[Shade]

thank you!!!!! I shal exalt you.

[Serin]

This is looking good. The one thing you need to watch out for is being tripped up by your chosen style. The conversation style is awesome: if pulled off correctly. Make sure that the audience is seeing what you're seeing while writing it, that you aren't forgetting key pieces. Last, and I'm not saying you did, make sure you don't jump from place to place, as it can cause the readers to become confused. However... this is an awesome story, and if it develops into a full series, I would be happy to move it to the classics section, which is only for true blue season long series.